I put together a list of the top five open adoption agencies in the US to help you with your research.  

1. Lifetime Adoption

Lifetime adoption is an ever-changing agency.  They provide placement services in most states and have added many agencies in various states in recent months.  They provide photo listings, video presentations, support and promote open adoption, share updates on their “Lifetime Babies”, and provide services to biological families and adoptive families.  Their website provides listings of potential adoptable children, as well as, potential adoptive families.

2. Gladney Adoptions

Gladney Adoptions has a well-appointed website that provides a lot of information and invaluable resources for all parties in the adoption triad.  They have mostly open adoptions and they offer post-adoption support for people involved in domestic adoption, international adoption, and foster care adoption. They also offer support for birth parents and adoptees. 

3. Heart To Heart Adoptions

Heart to Heart Adoptions offers full counseling and staff for every step of the adoption process.  Heart to Heart Adoptions offers free services to all potential birth families. The agency hopes to ease all your burdens by helping with pregnancy-related and household expenses during the adoption process.  In addition, they will help and guide you to find the perfect family for you and your child.

4. Adoptions with Love

Adoptions with Love provides services for all aspects of the adoption triad.  They provide ongoing support for open adoptions by facilitating picture and letter exchanges between the biological and adoptive families.  They provide pre and post-adoption support for birth parents and adoptive parents. 

5. Your Local Agency

As with any process, the best place to start looking for an open adoption agency is word of mouth.   Join local support groups, use your social media to reach out to friends, or friends of friends. Deciding everything doesn’t have to happen right away.  There are varying levels of openness and you will find the best route for your family.

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1. Do not give out private information about your family. All that the biological family needs to have are frequent updates on what your child is doing. You can tell them your child’s favorite subject in school, extracurricular activities, and even invite them to these events. If there is any sort of conflict between you and the biological family that would be detrimental to your child to witness, then I would not suggest inviting the biological parents to events.
2. Do send pictures of your child, but not of your other children and other family members.
3. Set up rules about the information your biological parents are allowed to share, for example, you may request that they not post pictures of your child on social media or share how your child is doing on social media.
4. Do not invite the biological parents over to your home. This can muddy the waters over who is the parent.
5. Do not allow the biological parents to be alone with your children or allow your children to go to the home of biological parents. Again, this can be confusing to the child, and in extreme cases could lead to a dangerous situation.
6. Do not share personal information about your child such as health information, financial information, bank accounts set up for your child, social security numbers, etc. You do not want biological parents stealing information that could damage your child’s future. 
7. Do not give the biological parents large gifts or money. Handmade gifts from your children may be acceptable, but if the biological parent is asking for money or things like TVs or cell phones, then they are manipulating the situation. If you are adopting through an adoption agency, the agency will provide things such as gas cards, and food to ensure the health of a pregnant mother, and transportation to doctor’s appointments.

An open adoption can be a wonderful experience. Make sure you speak with an attorney or your agency to find out the laws about what an open adoption entails. In some states like TN, there is no legal requirement to have an open adoption, and if an adoption is to be open, and the adopted family decides they no longer want to have an open adoption, then they are legally allowed to cut off contact with the family with no repercussions. Discuss with your spouse what are your non-negotiables before you sign any open adoptions papers.

Are you and your partner ready to start the adoption process? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to begin your adoption journey. We have 130+ years of adoption experience and would love to help you.

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1. Stay connected with biological roots.

It is important to feel connected in life. When talking to some adoptees that grew up in a closed adoption, it does not seem that they always felt connected to the people around them. While nurture and loving an adopted child is important and goes without question, some things can be said for maintaining biological roots and connecting with your biological ancestors.

2. Have access to family medical history.

While I am not adopted, my parents have passed on and it is frustrating not having answers to questions involving family medical history. But at least for the first 21 years of my life, I had access and knew about my grandfather’s strokes or my grandmother’s thyroid condition. A lot of our modern medical care is based on known family medical history, so when an adoption is closed and that information is not able to be accessed, adoptees aren’t able to receive the level of medical care they deserve.

3. Having answers to questions about their adoption.

As we grow up, we have a lot of questions about how we came to be and how our life was shaped up until the point that we could start making memories on our own. When adoption is closed, an adoptive parent may not have answers to questions such as a child’s birth story or how their name came to be or why they were placed for adoption. An adoptee can struggle with the hows and whys, and possibly feel negative feelings toward themselves about it all. If a birth family is involved with an open adoption, there can be a chance for these questions to be answered. 

4. Having more people in their life who love them.

This is one of my favorite reasons in regard to open adoption. I don’t believe a person can ever have too much love or support in their life. There is room for every family member to love them and have a place in their life.

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Closed adoptions are not nearly as prominent as they once were and are exceptionally harder to find than they have in generations past. A closed adoption occurs when the adoptive and biological parents choose to have little, and in some cases, no contact whatsoever with one another after the adoption has been completed. This most often occurs in international adoptions and infant adoptions through private agencies. Occasionally, adoptions that were once open can be closed at the adoptive parent’s request. The adoptive parent generally has the right to close an adoption at any time. Closed adoption records are often sealed and are difficult to unseal even after the adoptive child becomes a legal adult.

Open adoptions are much more common than they used to be. In an open adoption, the birth family has contact with the adoptive parents and the adopted child. This option is becoming more popular for its appeal to the biological family. It keeps them tied to the child even if they are not the primary caregiver. In open adoptions, generally speaking, the adoptive parents have the final say in how much contact the biological family has with the child. 

No matter what route you choose, adoption is a beautiful, inspiring, journey that is as unique as each child involved. Work closely with the adoption professionals of your choice to decide what option is best for you and your family. There are many options including closing an adoption initially and opening it later when the adoptive parents feel the adopted child is ready, or having an open adoption and then closing it if circumstances arise that put the adoptive child in distress or at risk. There is no single way to go through the adoption process. Work with adoption professionals and consult with other families who have gone through the adoption process themselves to figure out what adoption option is best for your situation.

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Pros:

There are more adoption opportunities through open adoption. Many expectant mothers, though unable to care for their children, still want to be a part of the child’s life. Open adoption gives them that option,  and are much more willing to work with an adoptive family that will allow them that contact. When adopting through another organization such as Foster Care, open adoptions are strongly encouraged to alleviate some of the stress that the process can inflict on a child.

Another advantage of open adoption is a larger support network. Occasionally, adoptive children can feel inferior or unwanted. They fear abandonment especially knowing that they have been ‘given up’ once before. These feelings can lead to depression and anxiety. Open adoption alleviates that burden for some children since the biological parents are still involved and able to give that reassurance that the child had always been and will always be cared for.

Open adoption also allows for more access to information about the adoptive child. Everyone, at one point or another, has come across a trait or illness that seemed to come out of the blue only to discover that a relative had the same condition. Having an open adoption can make it easier to weather such storms since contact between the adoptive family and biological family is open. Biological family members can be great sources of knowledge when dealing with sudden or even chronic conditions that may suddenly appear in the adoptive child.

Cons:

In an open adoption, there is a possibility for the child to become less attached to the adoptive parents. Since the child knows that their adoptive parents aren’t their biological parents, they may use that knowledge to distance themselves from their families. The adoptive parents should be mindful of such things and speak to their children if they see a disconnect happening in their family.

Open adoptions can leave a child vulnerable if the biological family is unhealthy mentally or dangerous. The adoptive parents have the right to close an adoption and remove any unhealthy influences from their child’s life. Creating strong, solid boundaries with biological families is essential to maintaining a positive relationship and a healthy environment for the adopted child. Limiting interactions, or even cutting off and closing an adoption all together is always an option to keep the adopted child and adoptive family safe and healthy. 

Whether closed or open, to adopt is a process that is as unique as the individuals involved. Open adoption is a great way to unite your forever family as well as maintain a connection with others who also care about the well being of the adoptive child. Discuss your expectations and desires extensively with the professionals that you are working with on your adoption journey to make the decision that is best for your unique family and situation.

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I feel like my biggest fear as a parent by adoption is that I’ll get this all wrong. One day, my kids will be 20 years old and wake up feeling lost, confused, overwhelmed, angry about their adoption story because somewhere along the way, I didn’t do it right. I’m constantly feeling the pressure to “get it right”: use the correct adoption verbiage, honor their birth families, and embrace open adoption. I’ve gotten to know hundreds of mamas by adoption and see what their open adoption looks like. It’s hard not to compare or long for what someone else has or doesn’t have. But before you define what your “ideal” open adoption looks like, let me share a few facts about open adoption to keep in mind.

No Two Look Alike.

With or without adoption as a part of their story, moms are constantly comparing themselves to other moms, their kids to other kids. Open adoption is no different. When you hear of an open adoption story, take a moment to appreciate it. But don’t let that become your sole expectation or standard. Take these stories and stuff them in your pocket to consider in a much larger perspective of what open adoptions CAN look like. I can assure you that no two are the same. For some, it looks like a phone call and pictures sent once a year. For others, it’s texting, holidays, birthdays, and weekend barbecues. Your family’s story is special, unique, and the opportunity for an open adoption, of any kind, is a blessing. Embrace whatever you have in front of you.

It’s Hard.

Is this the most common phrase used in relation to adoption? I feel like it’s a constant. It’s hard. It’s going to be hard. Once you have your precious, perfect baby in your arms, your adoption journey is not over. Not even close. After a birth mom places her child, lots of emotions and feelings are going to be stirring on both sides. Life may feel overwhelming: 1) new baby (minimal sleep makes everything in life harder, too) 2) the thought of “now what?” But let me tell you something: you don’t have to figure it all out now. Let the relationship develop naturally, whatever that means for you. If your child’s birth mother is open and ready for contact, pursue her. Wrap her in love and support as much as you can while bonding with your new bundle of joy. An open relationship may feel forced or difficult in the beginning. It means sacrifices and understanding on both sides. It means grace and humility. It’s hard. It will continue to be hard. But take it one day, week, month at a time.

It’s Always Changing.

Just when I thought I’d figured out our relationship with our birth families, it changes. For a million reasons. Situations change, dynamics change just as they do with our other family and friends. During some seasons, we’re closer, talk more, and plan visits. Then we go months without talking. Sometimes I send one picture and sometimes I send twenty. Sometimes I text one of my girls’ birth mothers and I don’t hear back. Sometimes the girls’ birth mothers tell me they need some space and it’s painful for them to see pictures right now. It’s okay. I don’t take it personally. Wherever your open adoption is right now, it’s exactly as it should be. Don’t stress or worry or compare to other open adoptions, just embrace where you’re at right now and keep making an effort. You’ll never regret that.

Do What You Feel is Best For Your Child.

This is the premise of every single open adoption. This is why we all make sacrifices and power through hard days or weeks in our open adoption relationships. Because, ultimately, we all want to love and protect our children. As a mother by adoption, I feel a constant pressure to love and protect my children with every cell of my being. When you’re questioning your open adoption, take your personal emotions out of it and consider what is truly in the best interest of the child. Sometimes this means planning a visit when you really don’t want to drive three hours to see the birth family. Sometimes this means setting hard boundaries with the birth family or refusing to visit if it’s unsafe. When my girls’ birth mothers handed me my child, they both mumbled through tears something along the lines of “please love and protect them like your own.” I made that promise to them. I will always put my children first – before my own desires. That is open adoption.

What other facts about open adoption have you learned? Share them in the comments!

If you are considering adopting a baby, visit Adoption.com to begin your adoption profile and see other adoptive parent profiles.

Considering adoption? Let us help you on your journey to creating your forever family. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

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1)     Seek an Adoption Agreement

An adoption agreement, also known as a Post-Adoption Contact Agreement, is a legal document, prepared by attorneys and approved by the Court that stipulate how, when, and where visits are to take place. The agreement, between adoptive parents and the birth parents can indicate the following: mode of contact (birthday cards, telephone, face to face, etc.); frequency of contact; persons involved in contact; etc. Adoption agreements resolve or avoid conflict because it creates boundaries and expectations in advance, in writing, without ambiguity. For example, if an adoption agreement states “monthly phone calls are allowed between birth parents and children the first Sunday of every month at 7:00 pm,” it’s clear that phone calls cannot take place at 3:00 am in the morning! Adoption agreements protects both parties and, most of all, the child. Seek legal advice should you choose this route.

See below:

2)     Keep it strictly business

It is very easy to take things personally. From the birth parents’ point of view, there may be some animosity against you because you are raising their child, not them. From their point of view, society sees them as a failure. So, it is perfectly normal for bio parents to be defensive; to feel like a victim; or to project their failures on others; to not take responsibility. Don’t take things personal. Develop a thick skin. Remember to work for the best interest of the child.

3)     Thou shalt not speak ill of another parent

Be careful of how you speak about the biological parents around your children. Bio parents may not be perfect and they may have their flaws, but from your child’s point of view, speaking ill of their birth parents is the same as speaking ill of them. Rather, follow the age-old maxim, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it all.”

4)     See it as an opportunity to mentor another family in crisis.

There is the temptation to think, “Wow. I didn’t know that when I adopted this child, that I was actually adopting her entire family as well!” It is tempting to have such negative thoughts. However, attitude is everything. Rather than viewing the biological family as the enemy or a burden, view it as an opportunity to help another family in crisis. Perhaps the bio mom is a teen who just made a mistake and never had someone to mentor her. Adding hope to a relationship works wonders. You have the opportunity to affirm her and to stop the cycle of dysfunction that has infected this family, generation after generation.

Whatever the conflict in open adoption, it can be resolved. However, the best resolution is prevention. Have realistic expectations and boundaries and be positive. If we can be pro-active, we can avoid many problems in the future. Unless the parents are involved in illegal activity, an open adoption is a long-term proposition. Make the most of it.

To begin looking at adoption profiles of hopeful adoptive parents looking to adopt a baby, or to create your own profile, visit Adoption.com.

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Medical history can be acquired if necessary. When you adopt a child, you seldom receive a complete medical history. Health issues can arise in the birth family after the adoption, and when you have an open adoption, this information can be quickly and easily passed to the adoptive family.

Circumstances that prohibited a birth parent from parenting a child can always change, and in later years the child may be able to have a meaningful relationship with her birth parents. An ongoing relationship with birth family cannot be underestimated. It means so much to the child.

A child who has never known or cannot remember his birth family will often create a “fantasy family” to fill that void. This fantasy family can interfere with the child’s ability to bond with his adoptive family because in his fantasy world, his parents would never give consequences or whatever else he is currently struggling with. He may imagine he would have unlimited privileges that are not allowed in his adoptive home, giving root to bitterness.

An open adoption is a blessing to the birth parents as well. They know their child is being loved and cared for. They aren’t left to wonder if their child hates them for placing her for adoption. They can have an active place in their child’s life even though they are no longer responsible for her.

An open adoption allows birth parents and adoptive parents to work together to love and help the child. This can result in a child who is more secure and knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is loved by both families.

Visit Adoption.com to look at adoption profiles of hopeful adoptive parents.

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They say it takes a village.

When we first began to pursue adoption to build our family, I’ll admit it: I felt threatened by the idea of a birth mother. The concept of maternal strings tying us together forever terrified me. I was afraid she would altogether change her mind, or question how we chose to raise our child. I thought about living up to her later in my daughter’s life as she grew to understand more, and I wondered about being to fully move forward.

However, my fears were assuaged the moment I met my daughter’s birth mother. At risk of sounding clichéd, I had the overwhelming sense of partnership–we were in this together. Even if it was the best day of my life, and perhaps the hardest of hers, we both wanted the same thing for this little girl. I knew that would unite us forever.

How open adoption has taught us about selflessness.

I was surprised when we first adopted our daughter how everyone seemed to exclaim “Oh, she’s sooo lucky to have you,” when I felt the opposite. They meant well. But, I simply couldn’t believe that this tiny human was going to be our daughter. Even more so, I was in awe that her birth mother was bestowing this gift upon us, entrusting us to be her parents. We began telling our daughter her adoption story from the time we were rocking her with a bottle to present day. Adoption inevitably involves complexities around loss for one or both sides involved; it’s part of the story. Also part of the story is giving and seeing something that is bigger than oneself. Though she may not be giving time outs, kissing boo-boos, and doing other daily parenting things, she did perhaps one of the toughest parenting jobs right from the beginning.

It’s an open channel.

I have a unique relationship with our birth mother. We text each other several times every week. She has lovingly begun to call me “Mom.” When we can, we FaceTime and my daughter knows that this is her ‘tummy mommy.” Though she’s too young to fully grasp now, if in the future my daughter decides she has questions about her biological family, medical history, her birth family’s culture and traditions, I can ask. Or, maybe she can. We have tried to incorporate as much of her heritage as we can–and it’s multifaceted–from her middle name to her first birthday, celebrating traditions that are derived by her birth family, to ones that come from my family lines and my husband’s. Our daughter also happens to have two half-sisters out in the world. She may want to know them one day. I hope she does and respect her if she doesn’t. Just the other day, my daughter saw a picture of her younger half-sister. My daughter exclaimed “that’s me as a baby!!” To say I felt a lot in that moment is an understatement. But that’s part of her story, our story, and I can ask more if I need to.

We have an adoption network.

Though open adoption specifically has not created this aspect, a note about our village: we have friends that adopted from the same attorney and the same city where our daughter was born. That has only grown our friendships, our connections. Not only does cultivating these relationships help our daughter to see that families are built in similar ways, it has provided families who just.get.it. If I’ve learned anything from adoption, it’s that family is more than blood, it’s about the family we choose–the family that we create.

They say it takes a village. This adage has become a mantra of sorts in our lives. It absolutely does take a village to raise a child. Though our birth mother lives across the country and in another time zone, she is part of our village.

If you want help to adopt a baby, visit Adoption.com to create your adoption profile and begin your journey.

Do you feel there is a hole in your heart that can only be filled by a child? We’ve helped complete 32,000+ adoptions. We would love to help you through your adoption journey. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

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It’s best for the child

Unless safety is an issue, it’s healthy for a child to know who their birth parents are. As my birth daughter grows up, I will be there to answer any questions she may have about her adoption story, family history, etc. I will always be around to tell her that I love her and explain why I placed her, so she knows she wasn’t just abandoned and unwanted. She will grow up in her stable, loving adoptive family and have a bond with her biological roots.

It eases my grief

I don’t know what I would do if I had to say goodbye to my birth daughter forever. On hard days when my heart aches for her, I hang on to the fact that I’ll see her again. I look through the photos her adoptive mother sends me. I don’t have to miss out on the milestones. I didn’t get to be there the first time she rolled over, but I got a video of it about two minutes later. I still miss her, but having contact makes it so much easier. I sleep well at night knowing that she is safe and well cared for.

I gained a family

My open adoption relationship is not just with my birth daughter. It is with her parents and their extended families, her big brother and his birth parents. I have regular contact with all of these people, and I love them dearly. Some of them have become close friends, and I consider the adoptive parents a brother and sister to me. Things aren’t always easy, just like any other family relationship. We always work it out, because we love each other.

The bond between us will never break

I carried this little girl for nine months. We shared every breath and every heartbeat. I was the first person in this world to love her. Adoption doesn’t break a bond like that. She and I will always have something special. The last time I saw her, I could tell she felt it too. She ran to me, reaching up to be held. She cuddled and kissed me and held my hand. She’s too little to understand adoption, but she knows I’m someone special, and that I’m hers.

Open adoption isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but it was the best thing for me and my baby. I couldn’t give her the stability and family she deserved, so I found someone who could. Now she has a birth family and an adoptive family, and we love her with all our hearts. There can never be too many people that love her.

If you’re considering adoption for your unplanned pregnancy, you can get a free consultation by clicking here.

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