I put together a list of the top five open adoption agencies in the US to help you with your research.  

1. Lifetime Adoption

Lifetime adoption is an ever-changing agency.  They provide placement services in most states and have added many agencies in various states in recent months.  They provide photo listings, video presentations, support and promote open adoption, share updates on their “Lifetime Babies”, and provide services to biological families and adoptive families.  Their website provides listings of potential adoptable children, as well as, potential adoptive families.

2. Gladney Adoptions

Gladney Adoptions has a well-appointed website that provides a lot of information and invaluable resources for all parties in the adoption triad.  They have mostly open adoptions and they offer post-adoption support for people involved in domestic adoption, international adoption, and foster care adoption. They also offer support for birth parents and adoptees. 

3. Heart To Heart Adoptions

Heart to Heart Adoptions offers full counseling and staff for every step of the adoption process.  Heart to Heart Adoptions offers free services to all potential birth families. The agency hopes to ease all your burdens by helping with pregnancy-related and household expenses during the adoption process.  In addition, they will help and guide you to find the perfect family for you and your child.

4. Adoptions with Love

Adoptions with Love provides services for all aspects of the adoption triad.  They provide ongoing support for open adoptions by facilitating picture and letter exchanges between the biological and adoptive families.  They provide pre and post-adoption support for birth parents and adoptive parents. 

5. Your Local Agency

As with any process, the best place to start looking for an open adoption agency is word of mouth.   Join local support groups, use your social media to reach out to friends, or friends of friends. Deciding everything doesn’t have to happen right away.  There are varying levels of openness and you will find the best route for your family.

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1. Stay connected with biological roots.

It is important to feel connected in life. When talking to some adoptees that grew up in a closed adoption, it does not seem that they always felt connected to the people around them. While nurture and loving an adopted child is important and goes without question, some things can be said for maintaining biological roots and connecting with your biological ancestors.

2. Have access to family medical history.

While I am not adopted, my parents have passed on and it is frustrating not having answers to questions involving family medical history. But at least for the first 21 years of my life, I had access and knew about my grandfather’s strokes or my grandmother’s thyroid condition. A lot of our modern medical care is based on known family medical history, so when an adoption is closed and that information is not able to be accessed, adoptees aren’t able to receive the level of medical care they deserve.

3. Having answers to questions about their adoption.

As we grow up, we have a lot of questions about how we came to be and how our life was shaped up until the point that we could start making memories on our own. When adoption is closed, an adoptive parent may not have answers to questions such as a child’s birth story or how their name came to be or why they were placed for adoption. An adoptee can struggle with the hows and whys, and possibly feel negative feelings toward themselves about it all. If a birth family is involved with an open adoption, there can be a chance for these questions to be answered. 

4. Having more people in their life who love them.

This is one of my favorite reasons in regard to open adoption. I don’t believe a person can ever have too much love or support in their life. There is room for every family member to love them and have a place in their life.

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Pros:

There are more adoption opportunities through open adoption. Many expectant mothers, though unable to care for their children, still want to be a part of the child’s life. Open adoption gives them that option,  and are much more willing to work with an adoptive family that will allow them that contact. When adopting through another organization such as Foster Care, open adoptions are strongly encouraged to alleviate some of the stress that the process can inflict on a child.

Another advantage of open adoption is a larger support network. Occasionally, adoptive children can feel inferior or unwanted. They fear abandonment especially knowing that they have been ‘given up’ once before. These feelings can lead to depression and anxiety. Open adoption alleviates that burden for some children since the biological parents are still involved and able to give that reassurance that the child had always been and will always be cared for.

Open adoption also allows for more access to information about the adoptive child. Everyone, at one point or another, has come across a trait or illness that seemed to come out of the blue only to discover that a relative had the same condition. Having an open adoption can make it easier to weather such storms since contact between the adoptive family and biological family is open. Biological family members can be great sources of knowledge when dealing with sudden or even chronic conditions that may suddenly appear in the adoptive child.

Cons:

In an open adoption, there is a possibility for the child to become less attached to the adoptive parents. Since the child knows that their adoptive parents aren’t their biological parents, they may use that knowledge to distance themselves from their families. The adoptive parents should be mindful of such things and speak to their children if they see a disconnect happening in their family.

Open adoptions can leave a child vulnerable if the biological family is unhealthy mentally or dangerous. The adoptive parents have the right to close an adoption and remove any unhealthy influences from their child’s life. Creating strong, solid boundaries with biological families is essential to maintaining a positive relationship and a healthy environment for the adopted child. Limiting interactions, or even cutting off and closing an adoption all together is always an option to keep the adopted child and adoptive family safe and healthy. 

Whether closed or open, to adopt is a process that is as unique as the individuals involved. Open adoption is a great way to unite your forever family as well as maintain a connection with others who also care about the well being of the adoptive child. Discuss your expectations and desires extensively with the professionals that you are working with on your adoption journey to make the decision that is best for your unique family and situation.

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1)     Seek an Adoption Agreement

An adoption agreement, also known as a Post-Adoption Contact Agreement, is a legal document, prepared by attorneys and approved by the Court that stipulate how, when, and where visits are to take place. The agreement, between adoptive parents and the birth parents can indicate the following: mode of contact (birthday cards, telephone, face to face, etc.); frequency of contact; persons involved in contact; etc. Adoption agreements resolve or avoid conflict because it creates boundaries and expectations in advance, in writing, without ambiguity. For example, if an adoption agreement states “monthly phone calls are allowed between birth parents and children the first Sunday of every month at 7:00 pm,” it’s clear that phone calls cannot take place at 3:00 am in the morning! Adoption agreements protects both parties and, most of all, the child. Seek legal advice should you choose this route.

See below:

2)     Keep it strictly business

It is very easy to take things personally. From the birth parents’ point of view, there may be some animosity against you because you are raising their child, not them. From their point of view, society sees them as a failure. So, it is perfectly normal for bio parents to be defensive; to feel like a victim; or to project their failures on others; to not take responsibility. Don’t take things personal. Develop a thick skin. Remember to work for the best interest of the child.

3)     Thou shalt not speak ill of another parent

Be careful of how you speak about the biological parents around your children. Bio parents may not be perfect and they may have their flaws, but from your child’s point of view, speaking ill of their birth parents is the same as speaking ill of them. Rather, follow the age-old maxim, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it all.”

4)     See it as an opportunity to mentor another family in crisis.

There is the temptation to think, “Wow. I didn’t know that when I adopted this child, that I was actually adopting her entire family as well!” It is tempting to have such negative thoughts. However, attitude is everything. Rather than viewing the biological family as the enemy or a burden, view it as an opportunity to help another family in crisis. Perhaps the bio mom is a teen who just made a mistake and never had someone to mentor her. Adding hope to a relationship works wonders. You have the opportunity to affirm her and to stop the cycle of dysfunction that has infected this family, generation after generation.

Whatever the conflict in open adoption, it can be resolved. However, the best resolution is prevention. Have realistic expectations and boundaries and be positive. If we can be pro-active, we can avoid many problems in the future. Unless the parents are involved in illegal activity, an open adoption is a long-term proposition. Make the most of it.

To begin looking at adoption profiles of hopeful adoptive parents looking to adopt a baby, or to create your own profile, visit Adoption.com.

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